Men Only Want One Thing

I was confused when I saw on my Facebook feed on Valentine’s Day a picture of flowers and the caption, “I feel so loved!”

Flowers are great to receive. They are really pretty. I touched on this in my post-Valentine’s post, but again, anyone can go out and by a bouquet. I don’t really consider flowers to be the penultimate sign of love.

And then I thought, “If you have low expectations, maybe it is.”

Combine that with the anger over Chris Brown performing at the Grammy’s (seriously? We’re really going to say, “You horribly beat your girlfriend, but we’re okay with that now”?) and you get me thinking that maybe as women, we’ve been taught that most men are shit and the sooner we accept that the better.

We’re told, “Men only want sex.” We’re called bitches and hoes in plenty of songs and not just rap. We’re objectified and disrespected. Entire sitcoms have been built around the idea that men don’t care about what their wives or girlfriends have to say and engage in all sorts of shenanigans. People–sometimes jokingly, sometimes not–talk about what misery marriage is. My mom’s friends tell me, “No man is perfect. There’s always something wrong.” That’s true of everyone, but still.

People I’m close to hang on to relationships for unknown reasons, some of them putting up with being mistreated. Maybe they think it’s worth it (it’s not). Maybe they think they won’t do better. Even I’m guilty of that thought. Deep down, I know it’s ridiculous and partly rooted in being in love, but I still do have moments of, “I’m never going to find another guy like Paul.” I don’t mean in that kind of lovesick sense but more like, “I”m never going to find a guy that makes me cheesecake for no reason and apologizes when he should but more frequently when he shouldn’t.”

Nice guys do exist. Paul is proof. Even when he screws up, he makes up for it and feels bad. He even gets this kind of heartbreaking look of pain and guilt on his face if something he’s done comes up in conversation, even months later. I tease him about it, but at the same time, it shows he cares, and I like knowing that.

Nice guys finish last because girls are too busy wasting their time on terrible guys because they’ve been taught that nice guys don’t exist.

As much as I complain about girls bragging on Valentine’s Day (which I am also guilty of), every girl should have a guy they can brag about, just not exclusively on Valentine’s Day.

I’ve been having this complex lately where I think my friends don’t like Paul. As the Craig couples go, I feel like we’re at the bottom and everyone else is elevated, aside from Sarah and Nicole. While this can be explained by the distance and his shyness, no one so much as said, “Oh, wow, he makes you cheesecake. That’s really nice.” I know this sounds conceited, but part of me wonders if it’s because he’s the only one doing things like that. To my knowledge, he is.

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