So, after weeks of going to Paul’s or back to my parents to hang out with people, I’ve spent the past two weekends at home. It’s been nice.
I did want to go see Paul again last weekend. State College two weekends in a row was fun, and he was there for me when I really needed him to be. I found out I’d have a three-day weekend due to my Saturday rotation so I asked if he wanted me to go visit, but he had a lot of work to do so we decided against it. The good news is that being unable to go up until July will save me plenty of gas money, plus whatever I would’ve inevitably spent eating out and at Webster’s. I do need the break from spending–my funds are very low. Fortunately, I get paid Friday and have been working some overtime.
So I’ve spent the free time doing everything I want to do–blogging, writing, reading, playing BioShock again. I’ve also been doing things I need to do–laundry, cleaning, writing, submitting to journals and magazines to get my writing life really on track. As much as I miss Paul and like having an active life, the downtime is nice. Given everything that’s happened, I probably need that more than anything.
I tried to write an essay about it, but it’s hard. I usually write straight memoir, but there are things that at least should be kept quiet. I’m not obligated to keep anyone’s secrets, but I’m not vindictive enough to spill them for the sake of telling my own story. I’m more interested in exploring friendship, the decision to end or pause it, how to do that, and how to move on. I’m still trying to figure out how to best do that in prose that pulls back without being too vague. I started the essay three times. I kept two of those drafts and thought of a fourth idea but scrapped it. I’ll keep working at it, though.