So as the third (and final) wedding of the year slowly creeps closer, so do wedding-related events, like Katie’s bridal shower on Sunday.
It was nice, the food was great, I had fun, I came back with your typical prizes like bath products and picture frames, and really, there’s not much else to say about the bridal shower. Well, except maybe that Katie was prepared to kick out Jacob and Paul’s mom if need be, but fortunately, she behaved.
See, wedding planning has just about been the shit show we all expected. So far, with Paul and I planning our own wedding, we’ve only gotten a small taste of it–the focus is on Katie and Jacob, so we’ve been able to slide by largely unnoticed. I said my goal is to get as much done before their wedding as possible while she’s not paying attention, but I know this will just cause a separate issue entirely of her being pissed she was left out rather than trying to control the whole thing. And Katie tipped me off that it might not matter anyway and that she might still try to change things. I’m reminded of a phone conversation I overheard on my break at work once where a bride called her caterer and had to tell them not to accept any changes from her mother-in-law, and I thought, “My God, I’m listening to my future.”
The biggest story I’ve heard has been about the wedding cake. Basically, their mom doesn’t like what Katie wants, which I feel like probably sums up the whole wedding in a nutshell. Their mom said she was “putting her foot down” about it, and like I told Paul, there shouldn’t be any of that. You don’t “put your foot down” about someone else’s wedding. And when I heard the whole story, I said, “Katie’s including her too much.” Our method has been to only discuss wedding planning when asked about it and to only answer her questions, because we know we’re gonna hear all about what she doesn’t like about our plans. So I’m dealing with it by doing my best to not even give her the opportunity. Katie liked the sounds of that, but since then, their mom has complained that she’s not being included. So I’m not sure if Katie shut her out or if she’s just pissed that she’s not getting her way–I also made the comment that what she calls “being included” is what just about any bride on the planet would call “overstepping.”
I’m getting a taste of this, too, when it comes to my own bridal shower. Because I don’t want one, and this is unheard of. She came up to me at the end of Katie’s and said, “Your luncheon is next”–because she’s calling it that instead, thinking I’ll agree to it–and I just flatly said, “No, it isn’t.” I know I’m gonna have to eventually go full bitch on this and “put my foot down” and probably soon, but I don’t know how much good it’ll do me. She mentioned to my mom about throwing me a surprise shower, and I already knew she’d probably try. Julie said she’d do what she can, and because I know their dad thinks she’s going too far, too, I asked Paul to let him know I don’t want anything so he can try to put a stop to it, too.
And the thing is, if my reasons for not wanting a shower were different, I’d get it. But I just don’t want one. I don’t mind going to them, for the most part, but it’s not something I want for myself, especially watching two other brides have them this summer. I don’t sit there and think maybe it would be nice, I think, “Yep, I definitely don’t want to do this.” Having lived on my own for four years and since Paul and I have been living together for one, we don’t actually need it, and I don’t want to get a ton of gifts that I don’t need or have space for anyway. Plus it’s time, effort, and money I’d rather put towards the wedding itself. If she were to plan a shower behind my back, I’d be pissed, and then she’d be pissed that I wasn’t grateful for it. To me, it’s directly disrespecting my wishes, and most of all, I don’t even feel like it would be for me–it would be for her. If a bride tells you she doesn’t want a bridal shower, gives you her reasons why, and her friends and family all know she legit doesn’t want it but you think she should have one and you do it anyway, you’re doing it for you, not for her.
So be on the lookout for my inevitable post about losing my shit on my future mother-in-law for…being herself, I guess.